A Dual Milestone

If you follow my story. You know a little of what me brought me to this website. A very short version for the uninitiated. I was a working print journalist whose life was upended by a near fatal car accident. The long winding road of physical recovery eventually led to this space.

However for a wide variety of very good reasons. I leave out a large portion of the story. I wasn’t alone on that day. My two lower grade school children were also in the car. I was on my way to dropping them off at school. It would be gratuitous and irresponsible for me as a father to go into what they went through. To be perfectly honest. Many of the details are kind of cloudy for me. I simply wasn’t present for much of it. As I was on a long recovery of my own.

I know enough to know it was hard. However that is their story to tell. Whenever they see fit to tell it. I only bring it up as a marking point of sorts. Today is the their first day of school. One starts high school while the other starts middle school. As I write that sentence. The gravity of this particular moment hits hard.

They achieve academically and participate in sports. Two things that seemed a long way off on that fateful day and ensuing months. That being said. This significant day also strikes me in ways and with emotions that I did not expect.

I would never use the word “bittersweet”. There is absolutely nothing bitter about it. I’m going to go with dichotomy. A division or contrast between two things that seem opposed. I am beyond grateful for the growth seen in this period of time. Yet I feel an aching and longing. Wishing I could somehow stop this movement of time if only for a little bit.

Don’t misunderstand me. This isn’t going to be some tome about how quickly time moves. Time does not move fast when you are bed ridden or in a wheelchair. Relearning how to walk and do everyday tasks is marked by slow incremental gains. Heck a global pandemic sure didn’t make it feel like time moved faster. Trust me, I am blessed to have had plenty of family time in the last six years.

The aching is not different from many parents on this day. The realization that your children are becoming and will eventually become adults is not unique to me. Despite what I wrote earlier. This has been our family story for quite some time. In some ways. That will not always be the case. Let’s be honest, that’s a good thing. If my children were still dwelling on that day as they advanced through high school or possibly college. That just wouldn’t be healthy.

In the continuance of honesty. I struggle with the meaning of that last statement mightily. Personally I find myself dwelling on that day quite a bit. I still deal with the residual physical limitations. That is part of what makes moving on difficult. That being said, here comes the honesty train again. It’s just an easy excuse. I shouldn’t ponder on it as much as I do.

How do I know that? I have already laid it out. By watching my kids. Trust me this is not meant to be some parenting column. No sage advice here. I started my professional career in education. One adage that held true within that field. Was the concept that you had to be willing to learn from your students. In the last six years I have learned a lot from just watching my kids.

Massive recovery from anything isn’t a straight line. There were difficult days. And there still are. In spite of that. They didn’t require the near daily pep talks that I did. They didn’t turn up their nose at the additional protective gear needed to safely participate in sports. Conversely I loathed the restrictions, canes, and braces that aided my recovery.

In the midst of this I understandably watched a lot of children and pre teen entertainment programming. Whatever you think of their artistic or moral merit. Within the procedural format. I did find one distinction from so called mainstream entertainment.

As the main characters faced the problem or antagonist of the week. You didn’t hear the usual “one day at a time” or “patience is a virtue” mantras that are present within standard self help or therapy models.

Why is that? As a former high school teacher kids just don’t think like that. They are not focused on the so called “big picture”. They inherently know things can change quickly. They know that each new day can bring a different set of challenges or victories.

While I was wondering if I would ever walk or play my guitar again. My kids were just worried if they could find their seat in class that day. Who they would sit by or what was for lunch in the cafeteria? Guess who recovered quicker? It wasn’t the author of this piece.

I’m going to try and learn from that. I’m going to try and stop focusing on what I cannot do. I’m going to embrace what I can do. When people ask why I spend my spring and summers watching AAU basketball. I’m not going to give them the full three act play. I’m where I’m supposed to be. Doing what I’m supposed to be doing.

Questioning why this has happened is ultimately counterproductive and unhealthy. Frankly on this side of eternity there is no answer. I titled this post “Dual Milestones” As my kids start a new chapter I’m going to try and start one of my own.

As I stated earlier. The past six years has felt long. With my background in education. I know the next six years will not feel that way. Between homecomings, sporting events, and various school functions. The time will fly by.

Blink once and you will be planning an open house. Blink twice and you might be preparing a wedding. It’s a daunting and sobering feeling. How am I going to face it. Simple— no blinking. I am going to keep my eyes open. Taking in every moment. Every trial and every triumph. While also enjoying the mundanities and seemingly meaningless times.

A song that really helped me in my road back was titled “Hills and Valleys”. The premise is rejoicing and being thankful in both good and challenging parts of life. Someone recently asked me about that song. Offhandedly I replied that I haven’t gotten to the hills yet. That was a short sighted and frankly incorrect response.

It also shows how entertainment had warped our sense reality. The song was playing when I scaled three steps in a rehab facility. The song was playing on a long family vacation. The song was playing when I was shooting baskets or playing catch in the backyard. I was just too busy or distracted to hear it.

Today I choose hear it. The stirring film score isn’t playing. The cinematographer doesn’t have light shining just right on me. In fact it is a rainy and cloudy day. Life isn’t a movie. Real life is rich and more complex than a two hour episodic character arc.

Paraphrasing the song. Today this character is going to lift his eyes to one who set him on that hill. When valleys come— and they will. I will lift my eyes to the one who sees me there. With the help of a songwriter that is the best ending this amateur screenwriter can come up with.