The LeBron Anonymous Meeting (Part 1)
Act 1 : The Call
Anthony Davis has just left his end of the year team meeting. He is now wandering aimlessly through the streets of downtown Dallas. He’s not sure of what just happened or where to go next. Back to his temporary condominium in Dallas? Or to his mansion in the Hollywood Hills? He doesn’t feel particularly welcome in either spot. Suddenly his ponderous moment is broken by the ringing of his cell phone. It’s a familiar number
Anthony Davis: What up Ky?
Kyrie Irving: How you holding up big fella?
Davis: Honestly, it’s been a bit of a whirlwind. I mean I’m not sure what to…
Irving: Say no more Koda… I have been there. I have something that will help.
Davis: Ky, I respect your growth. But I can’t do any that Native American or New Age inner peace stuff you are on right now.
Irving: Oh don’t worry, it has nothing to do with that. It just a meeting group, a secret meeting group.
Davis: This is still sounding odd. A “secret” meeting? I don’t know about this.
Irving: Don’t worry Koda. I shouldn’t have said secret. It’s more anonymous, and it will be a bunch of guys you already know. It’s simply called an LA meting.
Davis: I’m hanging up… I’m done with LA Ky! A bunch a guys I already know. Like who? I’m not exactly a social butterfly. My circle is basically just NBA players.
Irving: Hold up big fella. The meeting takes place right here in Dallas. If you go you’ll understand why it’s a called an LA group. Just trust me, you’ll fit right in. I can’t give you any names because it’s anonymous. But you will know almost everyone.
Davis: Ok where is it?
Irving: Just head to Dealey Plaza and walk to the top of the grassy knoll. Someone will be there waiting for you. The password is “I’m coming home”
Davis: Are you serious Ky? Dealey Plaza? Is this just more of your conspiracy theory stuff? Passwords? This is too crazy. You have to give something more or I’m not going.
Irving: Ok, just trust me. This group helped me get to my current enlightened state. I mean look at me. I was a public pariah a few years ago. Now I’m a picture of health. Well maybe not complete you health, but you get my point. You’ll see why the anonymity is necessary. But I guess I can break the rules and give you one name…
Davis: I’m waiting…
Irving: At the top of the knoll you will find a local man…(pause)…. He will be about your height… (another long pause)…
Davis: You have to give me something or I am hanging up.
Irving: Ok, ok, you win. Chris Bosh will waiting for you at the top of that hill
A satisfied Anthony Davis hangs up the phone. Now it all makes sense. He quickly catches an Uber down to Dealey Plaza and makes his way up the grassy knoll
Act 2: The Grassy Knoll
Anthony hurries from his cramped Uber and heads to the top. Sure enough, there is a the familiar long lanky 7-0 figure that only a select group of people on the globe share. Davis immediately feels at ease.
Davis: Hey Chris, I guess I’m supposed to say “I’m comi…”
Bosh: Ah shut up man. Ky is still doing that? It’s not necessary.
Davis: So he’s just messing with me on this anonymous stuff? Is this all a joke?
Bosh: Oh no, this is very serious and very anonymous. You will see why shortly.
Bosh leads AD down the embankment. They head through a labyrinth of urban trails through a train yard. They reach an abandoned train car.
Bosh: Now we do have a password to get into the meeting space. It’s a quote specific to what brings each individual to this meeting.
Bosh opens up a slit in the train door like a seasoned veteran of many meetings
Disembodied Voice: Password!!
Bosh: (deep breath) I’m taking my talents to South Beach
The creaky door swings open. As Bosh enters, he quickly turn and hands a AD a card. The door closes once again. AD opens the same slit
Disembodied Voice: Password!!
Davis takes a look at the card. Does a double take. Furrows his unibrow— then takes a deep breath
Davis: That’s all folks…
The creaky door slides open. Davis enters a large space. Chairs are far apart. He make out familiar silhouettes but he’s not entirely sure who is there. However, he feels oddly at peace
Act 3: The Meeting
A tall man ambles to the front of the room. Clears to his throat to get everyone’s attention and call the meeting to a start.
Leader: You all know the drill. But we do have a new member with us tonight. Remember, this is a safe space and no full names to identify yourself. I heard a rumor Shams Charania was in town and we don’t need stuff leaking out from here. For the sake of our new member I’ll start.
Pause as everyone sits up to come to attention.
Leader: I will go through the format for our new member. Hello my name is Antawn and I’m a LeBron aholic.
Group: (in unison) Hi Antawn
Antawn: For our new members, I’m a LeBron aholic because I allowed my successful career to be subjugated to the needs of another great player. Losing my own identity in the process. By talking through our mistakes, together we are finding peace and acceptance in our collective paths.
Davis nods knowingly.. this is Antawn Jamison
Antawn: Some of you young bucks might not remember me. I won virtually every individual award possible in the ACC. I won both the Wooden and Naismith awards in college. I was a top five pick on the NBA. A two time NBA All Star with the Wizards. A living Tar Heel legend. Life was good.
The whole room is nodding. They seemingly take a collective breath, knowing what’s coming next
Antawn: I was traded to the Cleveland Cavaliers. LeBron needed a second star. Cleveland was worried he was going to leave after the season as a free agent. I wasn’t crazy about playing second fiddle. But they sold me hard. I thought about. I mean did play with a guy named Vince. He always got more attention, even though I was more productive. How bad could this be?
Dramatic Pause
Antawn: We all know how this ends. We get beat by the Celtics. I didn’t play my best and LeBron books to Miami after the season. That next year was the worst of my career. I feel like the fans look at me as “the guy who couldn’t keep LeBron in town”. I eventually settle for the veterans minimum in Los Angeles and my career was over within four years.
Tears start to well up
Antawn: (voice rising) Do you realize I’m one of two players with 20,000 career points to not be in the Hall of Fame? Just a footnote in LeBron’s stor….
A commotion stirs in the back room
Deep Voiced Giant I’m not saying the password (as a gigantic man towers over a diminutive man at the door)
Diminutive Man: You have to or I can’t let you in.
Deep Voiced Giant: Fine… a ring for the King
Antawn: Thank you for coming. Why don’t you go Sha… whoops sorry, go ahead
Deep Voice : You all know who I am… but here goes nothing. Hi my name is Shaquille and I’m a LeBron aholic.
Shaquille: I’m an icon. One the greatest big men in NBA history. I had absolutely nothing to prove late in my career. I was honestly ready to retire in sunny Phoenix. Then I’m told LeBron needs a true big man to take the next towards a championship. I was old and I like the attention on me, so I was skeptical. I thought about it. I mean won with Kobe, and we didn’t always get along. So I ageeed to the trade. How bad could this be?
Dramatic Pause
Shaquille: Well, it stunk. Yes, I was old and out of shape. But, come on, had they followed my career? What did they expect? In the playoffs they fed me the ball like I was in my 20’s. Wasn’t LeBron supposed to carry me? Then they started getting worried LeBron was going to leave as a free agent. So I was ostracized. They let me go. I decided to try and salvage my career by one more run with Celtics, but it was over. I think the Cabs then moved onto to you Antawn…
Antawn: Yes we just covered that.
Shaquille: But I’m good. I’m in the Hall of Fame. I get to rip him on TV now. But I still struggle with the why. Why didn’t just let me retire in Phoenix? Didn’t he have enough help already in Cleveland?
New Deep Voice: I guess he didn’t
The group takes notice of the new speaker
New Deep Voice: Hi my name is Ben. You can call me Big Ben and I’m a LeBron aholic.
Group: Hi Big Ben
Big Ben: I’m a man a few words, so I’ll keep it brief. Doubted my whole career. Worked my way to be an All Star. Four time Defensive Player of the Year. Willed my team to a championship. Owned that last guy in the playoffs
Shaquille: Easy there chief…
Big Ben: I take a call from a former huge Pistons fan who now owned the Cavaliers. He tells me I’m the missing piece for LeBron. An enforcer in the post. A protector, his Charles Oakley. I’m skeptical. I mean he’s a pretty big guy. Can’t he defend himself? But Dan was persuasive. I mean how bad could it be?
Dramatic Pause
Big Ben: It sucked, the blame went to me. They said I wasn’t enough of an offensive option. Had they watched me play? That’s why they went and got Shaq. But I’m good. I’m in the Hall of Fame (Antawn sighs) I’m one of the greatest undrafted players in NBA history. No one can take that from me.
Pause as there seems to be a lull in the proceedings
Antawn: I believe we have some members with us tonight.
Davis: (whispering) CB I’m not sure I’m ready for this yet.
New Voice: Hi my name is Scottie, and I’m not sure I’m a LeBron aholic. I mean I’m similar to you guys, but I never played with LeBron. I played with Michael Jor…
Antawn: Remember no full names. Thanks for coming Scottie. We appreciate your attendance. That being said, why don’t you start your own group of MJ aholics?
Scottie: Well I’ve tried for years. Nobody really shows up. Everyone seems happy. I can’t even get Cliff Levingston to show up.
Antawn: Well I’m sorry Scottie. I’m not sure we can help you. I’m going to call for a quick coffee break. After the break. I think we are going to cover new ground with some of our new members. When that happens we can all grow together.
Part 2: Will Anthony Davis open up to the group? Coming soon
Note: This is intended to be a humorous and lighthearted article. The format of an Alcoholic’s Anonymous meeting is used as the backdrop. This is NOT meant to make light or demean the work this organization has done to help millions of people globally.
